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“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

"Just pretend we're talking until the cops leave."

"You know what? I would have saved the receptionist."

“Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.”

"I just want you to be happy. Okay?"

"Your wife becoming...be will I."

"Oh. It was just cookies the whole time, wasn't it...?"

"If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds."

"I feel God in this Chilis tonight!"

"Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they're unfair."

"I am not having fire-eaters in a paper warehouse."

"Mommy you're a princess. Mommy you're a superstar."

"Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes."

"If the seat is open, the job is open."

"I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."

"I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome."

"My birthday was two months ago. There was no party."

"Shut up about the sun. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!!!"

"I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little... but on pretzel day... well, I like pretzel day."

"Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?"

"And suddenly, I was awake."

"You know it. I am never getting married. Like Clooney."

"I consider myself a good person. But I am going to make him cry."

"You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie."

"Your art was the prettiest art of all the art."